went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
