he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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