And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
