she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
