I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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