I got chris browned last night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Terrible idea I love it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
