Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
