so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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