It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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