Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
