Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
