That's intense
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
