K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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