my sisters under your porch take her home
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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