is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
