did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
