There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
