Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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