yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
