margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
