Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
