apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
