i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
