We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
