i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
