Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
