Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
