I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have feelings that need drinking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
