My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
