Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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