I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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