Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Too much gin, very little bucket
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
