and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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