This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
being pregnant is like rehab
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
