carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
