I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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