I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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