he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
