doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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