i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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