so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
