I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
