I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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