I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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