Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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