Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We're too hungover to prance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
