so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
