they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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