I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
