I showed him my bush... on skype.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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