He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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