I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
