I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
