haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
