I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
