My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
