1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
