hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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