All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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