thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
