i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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