You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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