I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize