I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
