You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
a search helicopter?!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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