Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
