Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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