I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
