I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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